When Good News Doesn’t Feel Safe: The Scan Went Well - So Why Are You Still Bracing?
What to do when the scan says “everything’s fine” - but your body doesn’t believe it.
A New Kind of Knowing
You walk out of the room and nod when they say,
“Everything looks perfect.”
Heartbeat strong. Baby measuring well. Nothing to worry about.
You get in the car. You sit in silence.
And before you’ve even pulled out of the car park, the tension is back.
Your shoulders up. Your brain scanning.
Something clenches inside you - and you’re not even sure what triggered it.
You know you just got good news.
But your body’s already preparing for the next time it won’t be.
This is one of the most disorienting parts of pregnancy after loss:
when even reassurance doesn’t feel safe.
This is the moment so many women feel ashamed of
You want to believe what the scan showed.
You want to be the woman who frames the photo and breathes a little easier.
But instead, you find yourself googling all the reasons symptoms disappear.
Replaying the appointment in your mind, wondering if they missed something.
Gripping your body with hyper-attention - waiting for something to feel “off.”
Then the guilt comes in:
“Why can’t I just relax?”
“Why am I like this?”
You’re not overreacting.
You’re not doing pregnancy “wrong.”
You’re simply someone who has experienced the worst - and whose body is trying to make sure it doesn’t happen again.
The problem isn’t that reassurance doesn’t work
It’s that your mind and body are working in different time zones.
Your brain hears the words.
Your body remembers the silence that came last time.
That scan where the screen went quiet.
That moment you saw the sonographer’s face change.
That instant when everything shifted from fine to not fine - in the space of a breath.
So now, every time someone tells you “you’re fine,”
there’s a part of you quietly whispering back: “For now.”
This is not paranoia.
It’s protection.
What I want you to know is this:
There’s nothing wrong with the part of you that’s still scared.
You don’t need to force yourself into trust.
But you also don’t need to stay locked in the loop.
When I work with clients in this stage of pregnancy, we don’t talk about “fixing anxiety.”
We talk about what to do when the good news doesn’t land.
Because that’s what makes the difference.
In our work, we practise things like:
🪑 What to say to yourself in the car after the scan - so your mind doesn’t spiral.
Most of my clients tell me the same thing: “I feel okay in the scan room. But then I get in the car - and it all unravels.”
That moment - sitting in the front seat, in silence - is when fear rushes back in.
Not because anything’s wrong, but because your body was bracing the whole time.
We work on creating a very specific anchor for that moment - so instead of spiralling into doubt, you have a phrase, a posture, a tiny plan that helps you stay tethered.
It doesn’t have to be big. But it has to be yours.And that’s what I help you build: real tools that actually work inside your day - not just in theory.
🧭 How to mark the reassurance in your body - even if just for a moment.
Reassurance doesn’t stick when your body doesn’t feel it.
You can hear “everything looks perfect” ten times, and still walk out feeling uncertain.
Why? Because your body never registered the pause.
It didn’t take it in. It skipped right past the safety.We practise how to do that differently - gently.
Not with “just relax,” but with clear, doable moments that tell your system:
This one is different.
You don’t need to feel excited. But I can help you access something steadier - even for a breath. That’s where the change starts.🕵🏻♀️ How to tell the difference between a real signal - and the echo of past fear.
After loss, your brain scans constantly.
Twinge? Symptom changed? Mood dip? It all gets flagged as possible danger.
But the real overwhelm isn’t the sensation - it’s not knowing what’s real and what’s fear remembering itself.This is something we explore in depth.
How to recognise when you’re in your own body - and when you’re in a memory loop.
It’s not about dismissing fear. It’s about learning how to interpret it.
So your whole day isn’t ruled by “what if I missed something?”This is where clinical experience matters.
Because it’s not about giving you reassurance - it’s about helping you build a filter you can trust.🤝 What small action might help you feel with the pregnancy - instead of orbiting around it.
Most women I work with aren’t avoiding the pregnancy - they’re circling it.
Doing everything right. Following every rule. But staying emotionally distant, because closeness feels like a risk.We explore what it could look like to take one step toward the pregnancy-not by pretending you feel safe, but by choosing one moment of contact that doesn’t feel exposing.
Sometimes that’s using the word “baby.”
Sometimes it’s planning one thing.
Sometimes it’s just touching your belly without flinching.
The point isn’t the task - it’s the tolerance.That’s what I help you build:
The ability to stay with what’s real without disconnecting from yourself to get through it.
If this post felt like I was naming something you’ve been carrying quietly - that’s not an accident.
It’s something I hear almost every week in sessions.
And if you want to explore how to work together, I’d love to hold that space with you.
🩷 Book a free call to find out how we can work together.
🩷 Or stay here - I’ll be sending out monthly posts just like this one
No pressure. No fluff. Just real support, for the weeks that feel the hardest to explain.
With steadiness,
-Aleksandra