Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…Navigating Postpartum Body Image

Accepting and embracing the nowness within our bodies and reframing self-perception through mirror exercise

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After having my children, it took me a while to bring up the courage to truly face myself in the mirror. I'm not talking about those quick glances during my daily routine or quickly fixing hair, but those raw, vulnerable moments where I stood in my underwear, confronting my postpartum body head-on. I will not lie – initially, it was overwhelming—feelings of shock, and a sadness quickly showed up. I remember quickly covering up my body and seeking a distraction in the chaos of caring for my little ones. Yet, every so often, there was that inner tug, a persistent urge to confront myself with that harsh reality again and again…

Photo by Adam Watson on Unsplash

Gradually, as my motherhood journey progressed, something (very, very slowly) started shifting within me. While the emotions lingered, the intensity softened into a quieter sorrow; It was the realisation of the irreversible changes that motherhood brought to my body, like the rivers carving on a mountainside. My hips widened, my skin was decorated with strechmarks, and my breasts bearing the marks of their demanding breastfeeding journeys. I started crying. Allowing myself to mourn these changes became an important moment. It created a space within me to gradually rebuild a more coherent and, at least, neutral body image, one that is markedly different from the one I had before children.

I can't proclaim to 'love' my post-pregnancy body yet; I'm not there. However, there's no longer animosity.

Amy Abrahams

eloquently explores the concept of 'body neutrality' in her piece, a state where some days are worse than others. On better days, I'm able to see how cherished my body is by my two little ones, how they revel in its warmth and embrace its imperfections. How it is hugged and kissed; how my hair is the softest and silkiest thing they love to play with as they drift off to sleep. When they cup my face in their tiny hands and whisper 'I love mummy,' I realise they're not just expressing affection for my physical form but for my soul, my essence as a mother, and my motherly body. And when they blow raspberries on my jiggly belly, giggling at the sound it makes, I understand that flat, toned abs wouldn't evoke the same joy and laughter. And slowly, through their eyes, I'm learning to accept myself as a whole, rather than compartmentalising myself into 'muffin tops,' 'mummy pouches,' or 'saggy breasts’.

In the process of working towards body-acceptance, I have notices that my self-critic softened and it has less power now to dictate my self-worth. As

Jade Fox

aptly puts it, "It is okay to feel terrible one day and proud the next, but don't let this swallow you whole and control how you live your life". Rather than striving for an unattainable physical ideal, I've started shifting towards a more holistic view of health and well-being, focusing not only on my physical but also on my mental health. It's become less about conforming to societal beauty standards and more about embracing life's adventures with my children, cherishing every precious moment. As

Kylie-Ann

beautifully articulates, our interactions with our bodies are vital in shaping our memories and experiences with our children.

Following this reflection, I extend an invitation to join me on a journey of incremental steps towards accepting, embracing, and perhaps, eventually re-loving our post-pregnancy bodies. If you're not ready to embark on this journey now, that's okay. Save this post and return when the time feels right.

The power of reframing

Among the rollercoaster of postpartum adjustments, reframing our mindset around body image can help to foster kindness and acceptance. Rather than viewing postpartum changes as flaws or imperfections, I invite you to consider the possibility of seeing them as a testament to your body's incredible journey of motherhood. Like warriors proudly displaying their scars from battle, we have our postpartum bodies as a sign of transition and matrescence. Instead of seeing our bodies as 'damaged,' I am inviting you to start writing a different story about them—as your body being 'different' now, transformed, as it brought life into this world.

Photo from Life After Birth Project

To change the narrative about our bodies, I invite you to take part in an experiment. Most likely, you would need 10-15 minutes of uninterrupted time. The only item you need is a fairly sized mirror. Take each step slowly, do not rush through the process. Also, you do not need to complete all the steps. You can approach the process at your own pace, revisiting it as often as you like.

1. Stand in front of the mirror: Whether in your underwear or if you prefer, naked. Look at your body; try not to overfocus on any particular part, rather scan your body parts one by one, as if seeing them for the first time in your life. Try to approach this with an open sense of curiosity, moving from one part to another.

2. Practice mindfulness: Be aware and catch yourself if you find your thoughts drifting away. Notice what your mind is saying to you, the words it's using, and the tone of voice. What emotions are there? If you can, take a few slow, mindful breaths, concentrating on your breathing, allowing these thoughts and feelings to just be there, and continue with scanning and looking at your body.

3. See your body as a whole: After giving a short attention to all of your body parts, try to see your body as a single entity—as one big piece. Notice how everything, every part, is linked to one another—the hands become arms, arms become shoulders, shoulders become back, and so forth.

4. Visualize your child: Bring to mind a memory that evokes a sense of love, happiness, and joy associated with your child or children. Whether it's a moment of their laughter or the memory of their tiny body as a newborn, bring the image to your mind vividly. Notice the feelings that arise in your body as you do this—warmth, kindness, joy, and unconditional love.

5. Acknowledge your child's presence in your body: Recognise the fact that your beautiful baby is a part of you, of your body. With each breath, expand the feelings of warmth, kindness, joy, and unconditional love to every cell in your body—to your belly, breasts, face, arms, hips, thighs, and feet. Allow these feelings to touch and permeate every scar and stretch mark.

6. Reframe your thoughts: Finally, with everything you've experienced, make an attempt to reframe your initial thoughts. These reframing statements don't have to be overly positive, but rather, consider how you would like to shift your perspective to support yourself in being a role model for your children. Some exemplar statements could be:

   My body tells the story of my motherhood journey

   My body gave birth to my beautiful, healthy baby

   My body changed, and so did I. This is the next chapter in my book

   I will be kind to my body

   If it feels right to you, you can simply acknowledge “My body is beautiful as it is”

7. Physical Appreciation: After completing the reframing exercise, take a moment to physically appreciate your body. If it feels comfortable and safe for you, give yourself a gentle hug, wrapping your arms around yourself in a gesture of self-affirmation and acceptance. Feel the warmth of your embrace and acknowledge the strength and resilience of your body. If a hug doesn't feel right for you, consider applying a nice-scented lotion to your skin, massaging it in with care and gratitude. Alternatively, you can choose to adorn yourself in comfortable, fresh clothes that make you feel confident and empowered. Whatever gesture you choose, let it be a reminder of the appreciation you have for your body, honouring it for the incredible journey it has undertaken.

I would like to conclude this post with a metaphor. Our postpartum bodies are akin to a well-loved book—some of the pages may be worn from countless readings and the transformation each page undergoes as it is turned. However, the spine of the book remains steadfast, much like how we, as mothers, hold onto our core strength and resilience. Within the pages of the book lies a breathtaking story, one filled with moments of difficulty, courage, growth, and transformation – a story uniquely ours.

Photo by Hush Naidoo Jade Photography on Unsplash

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• What specific emotions arise when you confront your postpartum body in the mirror, and how do you cope with them?

• How has motherhood changed your perspective on beauty, health, and self-acceptance? Have you discovered new aspects of yourself through your postpartum journey?

• What message would you like to share with other mothers who may be feeling overwhelmed or insecure about their postpartum bodies?

Warm wishes,

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Additional resources:

• Loving-kindness meditation by Kristin Neff

• My post about the Power of Positive Affirmations

• Poem by

  Ashley Fenker
  :
  ashleyfenkercreative

  

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