Yes, yes, yes. Yes on the permission to have negative experiences without having to add the frosting of endless love and gratitude for our kids.
Yes on challenging norms about working while parenting.
Yes about having intentional conversations with spouses about what happens during weeks that are the 'exception' because of sick kids or closed daycares... Because the reality is the exception is so common it's basically constant.
I often work with my career coaching clients who are moms about coming up with a game plan for the 'exception' weeks, else they find themselves frequently in the chaos of unexpectedly picking up all pieces and suffering because of it. I love that in the Fair Play deck by Eve Rodsky this type of thing is a card, recognizing the invisible load this often brings.
Hi Lydia, thank you for your thoughtful comment, and I'm glad that some of the ideas resonated with you. I think the idea about coming up with a plan for the "exception" weeks is amazing (and reduces the chances that it will be you again picking up the pieces and sacrificing things!). I have never heard about the Fair Play Deck - I just googled it and my mind is blowing (!), so thank you for the recommendation!
Ah, yes!! Fair Play is super helpful. I discovered it a few years ago when my husband and I needed a better strategy to divvy up household and parenting tasks. I actually just got certified in it because so many of my female career coaching clients needed it as well... It was really hard to help them recover from burnout because even at home they were always on.
You'll have to let me know what you think when you dive into it!
It is possible! Scandinavian countries have a much more balanced attitude and it's very commonplace for dads to leave work early to do the school runs or stay home with their kids altogether. Plus support for parents is so much better that the juggle is much, much easier on everyone. It takes a shift in the cultural narrative and a willingness from governments to make change. Right now in the UK we have a government that wants women to be disempowered and picking up the work of childcare for free. In Finland, all women went on strike for a day to draw attention to how valuable their unpaid labour was, and things changed pretty dramatically after that!
Very good point, Allegra. I am aware of some of the social policies in Scandinavian countries like Finland or Iceland, where there are systems that support and provide ready-to-use policies for changes like paternity leave and flexible working. When you speak to residents of these countries, both parties often discuss these topics, and you can clearly see the positive impact, especially with more affordable and available childcare systems. They have a supportive infrastructure in place. I am a true believer in the 'ripple effect'—what you say and do affects others. I am also an idealist!
omg the raw text at the end. i’d never thought of that, but you’re SO RIGHT. the moment i’m finished saying anything remotely negative, I have to “backtrack” with my endless love. such a great insight that these changes start with us pausing to see how we are perpetuating the madness!!!
Yes, yes, yes. Yes on the permission to have negative experiences without having to add the frosting of endless love and gratitude for our kids.
Yes on challenging norms about working while parenting.
Yes about having intentional conversations with spouses about what happens during weeks that are the 'exception' because of sick kids or closed daycares... Because the reality is the exception is so common it's basically constant.
I often work with my career coaching clients who are moms about coming up with a game plan for the 'exception' weeks, else they find themselves frequently in the chaos of unexpectedly picking up all pieces and suffering because of it. I love that in the Fair Play deck by Eve Rodsky this type of thing is a card, recognizing the invisible load this often brings.
Hi Lydia, thank you for your thoughtful comment, and I'm glad that some of the ideas resonated with you. I think the idea about coming up with a plan for the "exception" weeks is amazing (and reduces the chances that it will be you again picking up the pieces and sacrificing things!). I have never heard about the Fair Play Deck - I just googled it and my mind is blowing (!), so thank you for the recommendation!
Ah, yes!! Fair Play is super helpful. I discovered it a few years ago when my husband and I needed a better strategy to divvy up household and parenting tasks. I actually just got certified in it because so many of my female career coaching clients needed it as well... It was really hard to help them recover from burnout because even at home they were always on.
You'll have to let me know what you think when you dive into it!
It is possible! Scandinavian countries have a much more balanced attitude and it's very commonplace for dads to leave work early to do the school runs or stay home with their kids altogether. Plus support for parents is so much better that the juggle is much, much easier on everyone. It takes a shift in the cultural narrative and a willingness from governments to make change. Right now in the UK we have a government that wants women to be disempowered and picking up the work of childcare for free. In Finland, all women went on strike for a day to draw attention to how valuable their unpaid labour was, and things changed pretty dramatically after that!
Very good point, Allegra. I am aware of some of the social policies in Scandinavian countries like Finland or Iceland, where there are systems that support and provide ready-to-use policies for changes like paternity leave and flexible working. When you speak to residents of these countries, both parties often discuss these topics, and you can clearly see the positive impact, especially with more affordable and available childcare systems. They have a supportive infrastructure in place. I am a true believer in the 'ripple effect'—what you say and do affects others. I am also an idealist!
omg the raw text at the end. i’d never thought of that, but you’re SO RIGHT. the moment i’m finished saying anything remotely negative, I have to “backtrack” with my endless love. such a great insight that these changes start with us pausing to see how we are perpetuating the madness!!!
Absolutely, Alycia. Providing reassurance of love automatically is so easy. The questions are: why do we do it? and, do we have to?