This is a fantastic read Aleks, thank you! 😊 Such a valuable message and so important to get out there, as so many mothers still struggle with this idea of perfection.
I'll be having a good read of the articles you've linked too and sharing this with friends and family. Thanks again for your great work 👍x
This is such an insightful read Aleks. Thank you for sharing, yet again, another valuable framework.
I have struggled to no-end in my journey as a mother with feelings of not being good enough. I have had so many instances where I’ve thought I’m not fitting into the ideal image of mother.
A lot of the expectations are ones I’ve put on myself: limited screen time, no junk food, books every night etc... and so when some of those aren’t met on occasion I have a lot of guilt around it.
One of the biggies for me is feeling like I need to have extensive outdoor time every weekend — since having 2 children I realise it just isn’t practical anymore. When we had 1 we’d go to the beach, for a costal walk, every weekend (sometimes both days) no matter the weather. But I’ve had to accept that both of my children have different needs because they’re at different ages so I have to make decisions that suit everyone. It means using more soft plays and indoor activities. It may sound ridiculous but I have so much guilt around this — feeling bad I don’t get to offer my second son the same outdoor life in his early years as my first son experienced.
Thanks for providing so much depth, and science based insights. It’s left me thinking I’m not doing too badly after all. 😅
(By the way, the part about public judgement particularly struck a chord with me — I still have a hard time grappling with that now.)
A really important post, parenting shouldn't be perfect, if it is we fail to equip our children for the world, as well. breaking ourselves in the process.
Oh I resonate with this so much. Millennial perfectionist over here, always convinced that not perfect is failure. This is such a brilliant post and so helpful for understanding why it's actually really good for us to let go of trying to be perfect. And thanks for sharing my post! 😊
Beautiful and helpful. What I can add in terms of insights as a parent of gen X is that we too are struggling with this obsession of perfectionism. In my case, I suspect it comes more from wanting to raise my daughters so differently from how I was raised. I was completely neglected and received very little nurturing so I tend to overcompensate. But I don’t think it’s healthy either - neither for me, nor for my daughters. The temptation to jump in to the rescue is always there, but I have learned to resist it. There is something to be said for “benign neglect” :) and I have also learned that if I don’t spend the first 20 minutes of my day reading (like now!) with my coffee and grounding myself it impacts my whole day! So a little less perfectionism and a healthy dose of humility goes a long way.
Wonderful article Aleks. I've appreciated Tronick's work for many years. I've seen in recent years an incomplete representation of his work(of course on social media) where people focus on the mismatch and the distress, and they leave out the beauty of the repair and how his work normalizes the disconnect and re-connect. I am all about the imperfect!
This is a fantastic read Aleks, thank you! 😊 Such a valuable message and so important to get out there, as so many mothers still struggle with this idea of perfection.
I'll be having a good read of the articles you've linked too and sharing this with friends and family. Thanks again for your great work 👍x
This is such an insightful read Aleks. Thank you for sharing, yet again, another valuable framework.
I have struggled to no-end in my journey as a mother with feelings of not being good enough. I have had so many instances where I’ve thought I’m not fitting into the ideal image of mother.
A lot of the expectations are ones I’ve put on myself: limited screen time, no junk food, books every night etc... and so when some of those aren’t met on occasion I have a lot of guilt around it.
One of the biggies for me is feeling like I need to have extensive outdoor time every weekend — since having 2 children I realise it just isn’t practical anymore. When we had 1 we’d go to the beach, for a costal walk, every weekend (sometimes both days) no matter the weather. But I’ve had to accept that both of my children have different needs because they’re at different ages so I have to make decisions that suit everyone. It means using more soft plays and indoor activities. It may sound ridiculous but I have so much guilt around this — feeling bad I don’t get to offer my second son the same outdoor life in his early years as my first son experienced.
Thanks for providing so much depth, and science based insights. It’s left me thinking I’m not doing too badly after all. 😅
(By the way, the part about public judgement particularly struck a chord with me — I still have a hard time grappling with that now.)
A really important post, parenting shouldn't be perfect, if it is we fail to equip our children for the world, as well. breaking ourselves in the process.
Oh I resonate with this so much. Millennial perfectionist over here, always convinced that not perfect is failure. This is such a brilliant post and so helpful for understanding why it's actually really good for us to let go of trying to be perfect. And thanks for sharing my post! 😊
Beautiful and helpful. What I can add in terms of insights as a parent of gen X is that we too are struggling with this obsession of perfectionism. In my case, I suspect it comes more from wanting to raise my daughters so differently from how I was raised. I was completely neglected and received very little nurturing so I tend to overcompensate. But I don’t think it’s healthy either - neither for me, nor for my daughters. The temptation to jump in to the rescue is always there, but I have learned to resist it. There is something to be said for “benign neglect” :) and I have also learned that if I don’t spend the first 20 minutes of my day reading (like now!) with my coffee and grounding myself it impacts my whole day! So a little less perfectionism and a healthy dose of humility goes a long way.
Thank you for the mention Aleks! Such a thorough article, it’s so important to let go of perfect parenting, there’s no such thing! 💛
Wonderful article Aleks. I've appreciated Tronick's work for many years. I've seen in recent years an incomplete representation of his work(of course on social media) where people focus on the mismatch and the distress, and they leave out the beauty of the repair and how his work normalizes the disconnect and re-connect. I am all about the imperfect!
Wonderful piece Aleks. Lots to think about and take forward from here thank you.